Archive for Toys

POOR CHOICE FOR A NAME AWESOMENESS: MONSTER IN MY POCKET!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, Children, Humor, Monsters, Toys with tags , , , , , on June 6, 2010 by tsanda

I have been accused, fairly at that, that I can be a bit unPC at times.  I say things that my mother would shake her head at and say “Ohhhh (fill in the blank with whatever name you fancy)((i’d go with Trevor Rodriguez, that is a man’s man’s name))) you shouldn’t say those things people will think your weird or crazy or an asshole or hilarious! I added that last part for dramatic effect.  Like thunder after lighting.  Maybe I am reading to much into this…

Monster in my pocket

Really? That's the name for a children's toy/game?

So, here is an idea.  Lets get kids okay with the phrase “monster in my pocket”. So if somebody / namely a stranger who may drive a van, or have mustache and wear a windbreaker or buys a lot of candy happens to saddle up next to little timmy at the merry go round and says,  ”Hey I have a Monster in my pocket, would you like to play with it? Or see it, or touch it, or trade with yours”.  Little timmy only thinks of that toy / game he loves and says “fuck ya mister” (timmy watch your mouth).  So there is nothing wrong with toys, and monsters are pretty freaking awesome.  If it would have even just been “monsters in my pocket” not as bad, not nearly as pederass.  But that singular Monster in my Pocket, just makes my skin crawl.

So the next time this guy drives up next to your kid at the playground and successfully takes him home.  You have the children’s toy industry to thank. Your Christmas Gift to your son got him molested!

Ohhh sorry, I meant to post a picture of a person who looks like a pedifile, this is just Adam Morrison ... Wait a minute...ewwww

So there ya have it. Kids are dumb and toys peaked with crayons. Can’t get any better or less pederass. Unless of course you had a TV show where a full grown man lived in a basement and acted as a “baby sitter” …

Charles in Charge

There is a new boy in the neighbor hood, he lives downstairs and its understood that he is there just to take good care of me.....right.

HAHA who buys Charles In Charge on DVD? And when can we hang out?

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Awesome song of the Day # 119

Adam Kesher (band not person)

French Electro Pop Rock = Damn Catchy

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5 Comments »

CHILDHOOD AWESOMENESS: TOYS THAT TEACH SKILLS!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, Children, Humor, memories, Stuff with tags , , , , , , , , , , on March 19, 2010 by tsanda

Halo, no skills taught. Kids just sitting around smoking bongs shooting rockets at each other at a prison.  What can you use that for in real life? I’m asking you.  I can wait……….

I got sick of waiting and learned some war tactics and mental visualization skills by playing a quick game of battleship with my dog.  He always sinks my battle ship! Then I throw the board across the room and pout.  I am currently pouting.  Big frowny face. Shup up eligh, I know you always win.

What else do kids do these days?  Pokeman? Digimon? Some other japanese card crap thing? That only teaches kids to be poofs who are afraid of the sun none of those animals are real… at least when I was a kid I had baby animal memory.  Great for the brain and adorable.

When I was a kid we practiced being construction workers.  Practical real world skills that we could transfer to our adult lives.

Kid Construction Worker

It's not that bad, fresh air, as many cigs as you can smoke, a sweet hat. See Timmy you too can join the working class.

Look how much fun I had? Buckets.  Which I knew how to fill and empty because of my construction skills.

My imaginary sister. What did she get? Easy-Bake oven  Now she can bake the shit out of some stuff.  And as a secret added bonus that you just don’t think about.  Changing Light Bulbs.  Think about it.  Two skills in one!  Personal Palm Computers for kids? Kids don’t have appointments! You don’t need a Palm Pre to schedule picking your nose.  I remember just fine.

Easy Bake Oven

Girls you're gonna need these skills to land a man......

Well I have effectively offended my female fans.  Ha thats a good one. Girls don’t read this. Or talk to me… More frowny face!

I really don’t party with to many children these days.  Trying to think of more stuff they do that sucks. Let me think.

FUCK.

I just googled some shit that pisses me off more than fire ants on my face.  When I was a kid nerf and super soaker where the shit. You had to convince your folks to get 2 toys to get both.  Now they have combined forces!? Whaaaa? First KFC and Taco Bell now Super Soaker and Nerf? Ohh no big d…looks like crap.  Good. That was a close call thought kids these days had a foot up on us. Nope still sucky.

Bull shit super nerfers don’t have shit on… king kong!!!  Yes, Denzel Washington, we realize that … now stop yelling that at Ethan Hawke. He is fragile and stop interrupting my blog.   I was going to say hungry hungry hippos.

Hungry Hungry Hippos

I wanna be the blue one.

How many lessons in that game?!?!?! Count em. Survival of the Fittest! ONE!.  But a good lesson, if you don’t eat as much as you can, and as much of your co-hippas food as you can.  Then you will starve to death.  What happens when there is no more food? Ughhh, play again. World resources solved yet again. I tackle the big issues move over anderson cooper.

out

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Awesome Song of the Day #111

Bonobo

Flutter

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4 Comments »

CHILDHOOD MEMORIES AWESOMENESS: LITE BRITE !

Posted in Awesome, awesomness, Children, Humor, memories, Science, Stuff, Stupid, Toys with tags , , , , , , , , , on February 2, 2010 by tsanda

Smoke signals are sooo played out, plus too much danger of burning your eyebrows off.  Have you ever burned your eyebrows off in a freak smoke signal accident? Me neither … mine was a volcano accident (me and TLJ were fighting one in LA, no big d.  The reason smoke signals and other assorted flammable messages were done away with is because it is unfortunate to lose one’s eyebrows … also because it spawned the most disgusting personal appearance trend off all time.  Marker Eyebrows.

Marker Eyebrow

Holy hell... Jabba the Hutt drew on eyebrows. Note: hate to break it to this lovely young female, but eyebrows aren't usually flying v's. Who knows maybe she loves coach gordon bombay.

Soooo, the Science Institute of Technology in association with the American Inventors Guild Association of America purchased a zillion tiny lite bulbs (ohh I spelled it right just you wait!), put a 15 watt light bulb behind a board and cut a bunch of holes in it.  Lite Brite was born.  Their idea, important messages could be relayed to people all over the world, especially during the tough visual messaging time of the nighttime.  No more worries of explosions or burned down houses, no more windy days making your smoke message of, War Soon, and turning it into, I just shit my pants, hurry! come see.  Steven Hawking was the first to partake.

Lite Brite

Amen Brother, Amen.

Jeez, kids back when I was one, yesterday, had it so awesome.  The good life.  Lite bright? You shitting me? You could make anything with that shit. Football? DONE, Basketball? DONE, Baseball? DONE.  MR. FUCKING POTATO HEAD! DONE AND DONE SON.

Lite Brite Mr. Potato Head

I'm pretty sure that Potato with eyes, a hat, and mustache is flashing gang signs. I knew Mr. P H was a crip.

Todays Stupid Kids: Hey wanna go feed our digimons? They can die and poop! WHOOO!

Yesteryears Awesome Kids: Ughhh, fuck no.  I’m going to make images with light like a god, then bake a cupcake with a light bulb … also like a god.

Stupid Kids – Fine those awesome toys scare us, our parents won’t let us play with toys that don’t involve something shitting that we have to clean up.

Awesome Kids of Ole – Okay, I am going to play this game where a gorilla throw barrels at a tiny Italian guy.

Dog Toy That Shits

THIS TOYS LITERALLY SHITS. Parents these days actually give their kids a piece of shit for a toy. Holy F.

So yesteryear awesome kids.  Lets join hands and shoot duck hunt guns into the air.  Toys are forever ruined.  Tonight I will dry my tears in my race car bed with my GI Joe jamis.

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Awesome Song of The Day -

Awesome Song of The Day #99

Blak Roc

What You Do To me

sooo badddassszzzz!!!!!!

7 Comments »

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