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MOVIE AWESOMENESS: REAL STEEL!

Posted in Actors, Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, Humor, Movies, Music with tags , , , , , , , , on October 10, 2011 by tsanda

I haven’t seen Real Steel so don’t get too excited.  But I thought of what I am going to say if and when I get out of that movie.  ”Real Steel? More like Real Steal, because that darn Adam just stole my heart”

The couple next to me will be like, “who the fuck are you talking too?”

I’ll then shrug and say, “I hate being the third wheel, you guys never make me feel like part of the gang”

They might say “well that’s because you have been following us around all day pretending to be on our date…”

I’ll then say…. “soooo threesome????” But with a real charm about it so they are forced to tag team me… in the parking lot of a Red Lobster, while I cry and eat cheddar biscuits.  What came first the cheddar or the biscuit!? Geez the wonders of the world just astound me!

Has anybody noticed where Real Steel got its idea from? Two guys were playing Rock Em Sock Em Robots and were like, this would make a great movie! A bunch of rich high fives.  The two guys next to them were playing battleship and said, This would make a great movie! and crickets were heard everywhere. Mainly because it was the night-time and they were in a rural area.

Board game movies?

I guess Operation was already made into a movie 7 times by Saw….

I can’t wait for the 48 hour epic Risk.  In which nobody ever finishes watching the movie because it is way to frustrating and boring.  You will occasionally find somebody who says they finished it and love it… but they are full of shit and know it.

I heard the graphics on real steel are wonderful!

Wow, the Hugh Jackman Robot is very lifelike. Not much armor though. Gonna get robot raped in the ring!

Wait a fucking minute.

Doesn’t that robot already hate Diane Lane in Judge Dredd?

Busted. Real Bullshit is more like it. Yup, gotcha.

BYE!

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Awesome Song of the Day #162

Cameras – Defeatist

this song has played abooot 250 times on my ipod and itunes and icar (that’s just my car, didn’t sound cool just as car… Doesn’t sound very cool the former either…”

Video…artsy

Song…Amazing

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SCIENCE FICTION AWESOMENESS: TRACTOR BEAMS!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, blog, comedy, Dork, Humor, Lasers, Science, Space, star wars, Stuff, Technology, The Future! with tags , , , , , , , , , on September 7, 2011 by tsanda

Science tells us of magic force fields that bring stuff towards other stuff.  I’ve seen examples such as space craft, other space craft, larger space craft and medium sized space craft.

Where did you learn that?

Physics.

Physics isn’t an answer.  It is just  a nonsensical response.

Physics doesn’t think so.

What?

Yup.

Jeez, Balkey from Perfect Strangers really doesn’t get MENSA level stuff does he. Probably because he is foreign….

Okay, so tractor beams are an awesome part of space.  There is no gravity and people are always trying to fly away from you.  Just because they don’t want to see what you have under that trench coat doesn’t mean they always have to light speed away from Dinner Parties like that.  I have feelings too god damnit.  Do you know how much time it takes to deep fry a predator? Let alone kill one??? I have to hire so many bums to go kill just 1 predator.

If you could have personal tractor beams that would be so awesome.  I would tractor beam so many cupcakes into my mouth.  I would tractor beam bees at other people.  I bet they have a reverse switch.  Bees or nails, or bees and nails.  Nails would put holes in you that bees would fly into and sting and then lay eggs in and then the eggs would hatch and bee babies would stings your insides! Final Destination eat your fucking heart out.  I would tractor beam my bed to me, then tractor beam a girl towards my junk… Wait a minute…. I think tractor beaming girls against their will towards your space privates is like space rape.  I take that one back.  Forgot I ever said that one.  It never happened….

But I will totally beam some fucking cheezits up in this bitch.  This bitch being my apartment, and up being in a straight line, because up is the ceiling and I am not a spider man.  I got bit by a spider once and all I got was this hole in my face.  I won’t go to the doctor yet, not until Obamacare is real.  Who would pay for health care when I can maybe will get it for free in like 4 years.  I’ve pretty much got life figured out.

Time to tractor beam you some music.

(vrooooommooomomomomvroomomoomomooooooo) = tractor beam noises.

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #158

PETE AND THE PIRATES – CAN’T FISH

OUT!

 

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FIGHTING TECHNIQUES AWESOMENESS: EATING SOMEBODY’S EYES OUT!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, comedy, Dork, Humor with tags , , , , , , , on April 25, 2011 by tsanda

I have been around, you expect that now.  When I am not sleeping under your bed I am sleeping in it.  It is really comfy.  I am looking at you OMA, your bed is awesome.  But I have been slowly working on a new masterpiece about manliness it should launch sometime between now and next Haley Bop comet. Me and my cohort are going to melt some minds with that shit.

But I got to thinking my first love needed some dry humping, so I figured i’d come make a post.  I call blogging dry humping. It really gets people confused at the blogging conferences, it also makes me really embarrassed when I talk to girls.

I’ve been in my fair share of battle royales so I know a few things about dismantling people when my fists and feet.  Punching and kicking beats people up.  But it takes a while and I get all sorts of tuckered. I needed a new mastery of martial arts to end fights faster.  What does everybody have that are weaknesses? Chins? Nope some people have amazing chins, hit them with bricks and they just won’t go down. Temples? Same garbage … but… eyeballs? You can eat somebody’s eyeballs out of their face and they go down screaming followed by dying.  It is perfect.  It doesn’t take much time and they are never expecting it.  Eye balls are high in fiber. Sometimes they poop out like corn, full eyeballs!

Hey! Kickboxer!

-What?

Nom Nom Nom!

-AHHH! my EYES! I am dead!

That is exactly what happens over and over again.   I have become drunk on eyeball juice! I need more eyeballs! I could single handedly win all wars.  Navy Seals are defunct.  I would just eat some white face circles.

My only weakness? Blind people.  They just kick me in the throat and laugh.  I haven’t figured out there weakness yet. What about your noses though.  I have an idea….

You know what all of these people have in common? They haven't met me yet aka... I haven't had an eye eating orgy today.

I am just joshing ya! I don’t eat eyes.  They are so gross! But I sure like potato chips.

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AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #155

XV – SWERVIN

best rap release of the year so far. Just fyi.

But if anybody wants to go eat some bums eyes I wouldn’t count it out…

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