Archive for Monsters

MONSTER AWESOMENESS: EL CHUPACABRA!

Posted in Aliens, Animals, Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, Dork, Humor, Monsters, Nature, Science, Stuff with tags , , , , , , , , on February 25, 2010 by tsanda

The Goat Eater. The Mexican addition to the world of real animals that only crazy unemployed drunk people see.  They are dog hybrids who eat… well goats.  Maybe the occasional cow if they are feeling feisty, they also love lemonade and pop rocks. Fact.  It is illegal to hunt them with crossbows but legal to hunt them with dynamite.

Favorite “proof” photo ever after the space:

El Chupacabra

Yep, thats it. I think I also see a big foot and sinbad.

I didn’t realize getting proof was so easy anymore.  At least the loch ness monster was an actual stick in an actual lake, that kinda looked like a monster. This photo straight up looks like exactly what we are looking at, bushes and a rocks.  I’ve got my camera on auto snaps a lot setting.  I’ve already seen a martian, a werewolf and atleast 5 El Chupacabras outside my house around my walk way.

Please take some time to review this amazing cover story that an actual El Chupacabra decided to tear through. They are shy….don’t like all this publicity. One just tore through my computer.  Rear Terror is here. Another fact.

EL CHUPACABRA

Please train your eyes to the bottom corner, "SCIENCE OUT OF CONTROL!" With a picture of a black guy. I really really want to read that story.

Yep, if you looked closely that is a movie starring Treach. Who was in Naughty By Nature. And yes I have seen it, and it is as good as you think it is. Move over Forrest Gump and chocolates… because life is like a box of El Chupacabras, you DO know what your going to get. Death and eaten face.  For some reason it takes place on a boat. Hollywood is awesome.  I am going to make a space movie that takes place in an elementary school starring a llama.

But watch out Texas and Arizona.  With the flood of illegal immigrants due to lack of work.  A lot of illegal goats are coming into this country to be goat herded illegally.  Which means a shit ton of Illegal El Chupacabras are coming over to eat them.  Sooner or later a lot of mythical creatures from the great US of A will be complaining that the El Chupacabras are stealing all their work.  Classic social commentary people.

This post was dedicated to Marc.  Enjoy more Africa time.  They don’t however have El Chupacabras.  They do however have real animals that will murder you instantly.  ENJOY!

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Awesome Song of the Day #106

Broken Social Scene! NEW SINGLE!

WORLD SICK

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MOVIE AWESOMENESS: ALIENS!

Posted in Aliens, Awesome, Explosions, Humor, Monsters, Movies, Music, Space, The 80's with tags , , , , , , , on November 1, 2009 by tsanda

What do you get when you mix a group of kick ass space marines and a group of kick ass space monters.  A shit load of goodness.  I mean it literally explodes my brain,  all over the walls like a shotgun or some sorta of brain blowing contraption.  Exploding crossbow would also do the trick.

Aliens in the mist...very artisic monsters.

FOG MACHINE...alien is at a rave

So…

Sigorney Weaver used to be on a ship that was attacked my an Alien. It ate a lot of faces and was thrown into space!  Wicked awesome as Boston would say.  Then I would say shut the fuck up Boston and go eat some Dunkin Donuts or have sex with Ben Affleck!  Then she wakes up and is sent to a place were the Mad About You Guy (no not Helen Hunt silly) convinces her to go and destroy all of these fucks, except his dog died and he wants one as a pet.

So she gets with a group of witty and fun marines with sweet guns and head cameras.  They get into a fight over corn bread and then they all get killed.  Soooooo… she gets in some sort of construction equipment, has an actual fist fight with a queen alien who just ripped an android in half.  Saves a Newt and does a jump high fives with Voltron.

ko-aliens

Guns didn't work, Marines didn't work, Bill Paxton didn't work....Giant pinchy arms worked!

Ohhh yea and they have acid for blood, whoops forgot to mention that! So you shoot one up close? Tough shit it just ate through your skin and is melting your liver and stomach.  Ouch!

GAME OVER MAN! GAME OVER!

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #66

BONNIE TYLER – HOLDING OUT FOR A HERO

HOLIDAY AWESOMENESS: HALLOWEEN!

Posted in Awesome, Awesomeness, Children, Holidays, Humor, Music, Stuff, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on October 30, 2009 by tsanda

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! Says the fake tombstone in my neighbors front yard!  I thought he had killed somebody and buried them in his yard, I was super excited to not be the only one in the neighborhood known for killing people and burying them in the yard.  Which is a huge misconception because I actually eat them and sex up their dead bodies.  So silly to just bury them, I am like a native American I use all of the corpse.  I am eco friendly.  The green cereal killer I am known as in the cereal killer world.  This is weird, mom I don’t eat people….? Nice.

 

halloween

Note: perverts you do not stick your dick in these!

 

 

I mean finally! A holiday for us vegetable carvers of the world.  I tried to get smoke signals out of style by carving words into cucumbers and throwing them in the air.  It wasn’t very successful but we had a lot of pickles later so that was kinda cool.

You know what is sweet about halloween it combines all my favorite things.  I get to dress all sorts of seductive.  This is me from last year.

Ugghhhh huhhh there real!

UGHHH HUHHH THEY ARE REAL!

Secondly, I get a lot of free candy, Lastly, I get to give kids fruit with razor blades in it.  IT IS LIKE WIN WIN WIN!  HERE KID EAT THIS RAZOR BLADE!!! Oh you don’t want unwrapped items? Cool I rewraped this starburst and put acid on it! ENJOY YOUR TRIP! THERE ARE MONSTERS UNDER YOUR BED! WHAT!

Sorry i love halloween.  Time to go put on my garter and get down!  See you sometime tommorow.  Please hold my hair while I vomit.

BOOO!

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #65

OCTOPUS PROJECT – Bees Bein Stugglin (awesome)

 

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