Fig Newtons are not as popular as they used to be. I call strike 3 on society. First, people have turned on Nick Cage? Thought I couldn’t handle it there. Next, Cookie Monster is a fucking vegetarian? He only ate cookies god damn-it he was already a fucking vegetarian! There are no such things as meat cookies. However … the thought is intreaging … and I may mix my next steak with some sugar cookie mix…oven it..eat it. Roll, in it? Anybody? Just me? Fine more meat cookies for the old badass.
Then Fig Newtons dropped in popularity! Jesus Hansen Christ! Have you tried one? Lately or ever…? If it’s never get your head out your ass … stop eating garbage and go get some. I don’t care how you get some….just get some! (i stole that from a sweet Texas Car dealer ad)
Like all food not as good looking in actual picture form. But looks better than they do on the exit trip! HA get it..nuge nuge, wink wink…shit joke!
I had 7 before I could take the picture...got a problem with that? Yeah, your right I didn't take that pic..but I did eat 7 fig newtons...okay 19.
It is a delicious fruit wrapped in cake! Holy Hell! Almost as enticing as Meat Cookies. Or Snicker Sandwiches! Did your mom ever say, “hey kid, eat some fruit…and you can have cake after” Wanna bake her noodle (not a sexual phrase I promise) Just say this “mommy! BOTH!”. Works every time. Your food pyramid more like a square? Just waffles? Well mine is immaculate. 47 servings of fruit. All Figs with Newton wrappers.
EVEN RACCOONS LIKE THEM! WHAT MORE PROOF DO YOU NEED?
If this doesn't make you smile then you hate fig newtons and raccoons. And are the Devil.
Billy Nye- “Badass?”
Me: “Yes resident scientist?”
Billy Nye – “Have you ever had a regular fig?” You know the Fruit?”
Me – “No, don’t be fucking silly. What is this? Crazy Town America?”
Enough with science for the day.
I am so glad the internet exists. This last picture just fell in my lap. Meat Cookies? Nah, I’ll take some Meat Newtons Please! OHHH BOY! I am so excited to see your face when you see this next picture. Just don’t look in the tree outside your house. Promise I am not there….promise.
Ha! yep. Somebody is a jeanius! HA the internet is incredible. My folks missed out for sure.
Wow my Bucket List is actually complete. I saw a raccoon eating a Fig Newton. Wait one more entry on my Bucket List. See the Bucket List. Nice, tonight is gonna be sweet, Meaty Cake filled figs and Jack Nicholson flirting with Morgan Freeman.
Time has come to say bye. Bye.
—
Awesome Song of the Day # 108
Electric Light Orchestra
Evil Woman
——
