Archive for Awesome

FOOD AWESOMENESS: ARBY’S SAUCE

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, comedy, Dork, Food, Humor with tags , , , , , , , on November 22, 2011 by tsanda

Jumping Jack Flash! That movie sucks.  I was going to use that phrase to signify another hiatus I took but by bowels wretched at the sound of those words being clicked into my keyboard.  What noise does that make? It sounds like Whoopi Goldberg acting.  Whoa. Good one. Haven’t lost it one bit. Send me monies.

I was eating Arby’s the other day thinking about how it would suck to be in the military because you don’t get Arby’s sauce.  I am not even sure I like roast beef but I know I like snorting Arby’s sauce off of hookers tits.  I am pretty sure that people in Siberia don’t get Arby’s sauce either.  That is probably why they get eaten by so many Polar Bears.

That totally scientifically happens.

Arby’s sauce is a mix of crystal meth, crack, heroin, melted gummy bears, unicorn horns and almond butter.  It is mixed at the robust temperature of 123 degrees Kelvinheit.  It is then frozen, thawed, refrozen with liquid nitrogen and broken apart, like in the terminator, then heated until it melts and comes back together to form a super future machine sent from the future back in time to qwench my thirst for brownish condiments that cover grayish meats on a bun.

I like how Arby’s invented their own sauce.  I tried to package and sell my own special sauce and I got an F on the health report and was arrested.  Bunch of bullshit, it was made with love!

My goal is to eat so much Arby's sauce my blood becomes Arby's Sauce. Wait a minute... maybe that is why Polar Bears eat so many people....

People always say…It’s just ketchup and bbq sauce mixed together.  Really asshole fuckface? If it was that simple everybody would have Arby’s sauce pouring everywhere.  I would never go a meal wishing I could dunk some shit in Arby’s Sauce.  The holidays are the worst time of the year.  My parents don’t believe in dipping holiday meals in AS.  WHAT THE FUCK! Times of happiness and joy my ass.  I will sneak some Arby’s sauce in a flask like I do everywhere else.

It’s 11! time to go get Arby’s sauce.  Which is easy as I am sleeping in my car outside of Arbys.

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AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY # WHATEVER.

THE RAPTURE

HOW DEEP IS YOUR LOVE?

 

GREATEST TIME OF THE YEAR AWESOMENESS: NO MORE BASEBALL!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, Baseball Sucks, blog, comedy, Dork, Sports with tags , , , , , , , , , on October 14, 2011 by tsanda

Have you ever noticed there is an electricity in the air during this time of year.  Like static electricity bukakke all over the world.   It’s not just because my birthday happens and no, it is not the auuraaraa boree-0-lius.  Northern Lights, silly.  Don’t tell me its the magic of the NLDS.  Okay, the Red Sox epic collapse was pretty entertaining to hear about in passing.  Not many people are getting wet thinking about Albert Puljos.  It is the excitement of everybody under 65 not having to hear about or watch anything to do with baseball for the winter.  Sadly, the baseball off season is only about 4 days long.  They just drive to Phoenix and start playing again. Somebody said to me.  It isn’t that bad, is it?  It is America’s game.  You know baseball and apple pie.  Who even eats apple pie anymore? Fruit dessert?  That’s like a tofu popsicle, fucking bullshit!  Lou Gerig’s legacy? A horrible disease named after him.  Tommy John? Awful surgery.  Lou Pinella? Fat Jokes.  Well, those are okay.  So Lou Pinella walked into a bar and got stuck in the doorway.  Yup, another original! Hot off the presses.  Extra Extra read all about it. Yum Yum get me some.  A little Putt Putt for your butt butt.  I have gotta give props to Matt Geracie on the putt putt line, still makes me giggle.  Although, when I use that for a grace at family dinners I get the worst looks from my mom.

I decided to do a research project.  It can’t be all that bad can it? I mean I previously posted an Amazing baseball video. Karate Kick! I found three things I like about baseball on top of the random insane guy karate kicking people.  Which can’t hold my attention forever it has happened a whole once.  Those games last for like 5 hours and they play 182 of them? That is 5 trillion baseball games a year.  That a hundred billion trillion innings of baseball all time and only 1 crazy hobo got onto the diamond and starting kicking.  Probably wanted some hotdogs and when you want hot dog, sometimes people get kicked.  That is why I am not allowed at my neighborhood picnic anymore.  Apparently Mayor of Blank Town doesn’t like a kick to the side in the dog line.

#1.  Baseball to the face.

Baseball to the face. Masterpiece in motion.

Can’t this be a sport? A guy throws a 90 mph fastball into somebodies face and or nads… Okay, you bleeding hearts, we can make it convicted rapists or terrorist or something.  But don’t tell me you wouldn’t watch that.

#2) Exploding Birds?

This is Randy Johnson. Rocket Arming a bird to death.

This guy, 2nd point to him he has a gnarly mullet, pitched thousands of innings and the most exciting thing he did was explode a bird once.  I explode birds every weekend in my backyard.  It only costs a dollar to watch.

3.) The future of America falling down running the bases.

Kid faceplant

Coordination is not required for baseball. My type of helmet. Not doing a damn thing.

That’s it.  Grand Slams? I couldn’t care less. Double plays? I only care about Double Teams.

Comedy, action, multiple colored background. Here is Mr. October, and November through September.

Baseball has one thing going for it, Hotdogs… and Hideki Matsui.  He seems nice.

OUT!

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #163

CAMERAS

POLARISE

Album.  Please come out now!

KITTY NO!

Posted in Animals, Awesome, awesome song of the day, blog, comedy, Dork, happiness :), Humor, Internet Photographs, Pictures, Stupid with tags , , , , , , , on September 26, 2011 by tsanda

Sometimes I just search google and yahoo images for sweet pictures that get my creative juices flowin. I find that the internet pretty much has two main uses.

1. The obvious.  Porn.  Boobs and vaginas with dicks around them.

2. Adorable kitties and puppies.

Which is fine with me.  I love having titty jobs as my computer background and I rub out so much to I can Haz cheezburger.  Life is good for ole me.

But I lost my arousement today when I saw this “adorable” photo.

KITTY NO!

Somebody needs to punch that cat away from that candle.  Your fur is so soft and dry that it will just explode into a tiny mushroom cloud of cute fireball and your owner’s house will smell terrible!  Needless to say nobody likes hairless cats.

I do.

Of course you do Balkey from Perfect Strangers.  Jeez say it once say it a million times.  Foreigners!

See. Ewww. Fucking monster. Probably rape you if it could.

 

Now what about real cats?

I've got an idea. Take Phantom of the Opera. Make it suck. Cats. Done. Probably also equally likely to rape you.

You know what I love? Dogs and little kids that get the beauty of Rocky III.

No mesh half shirts? Half assed re-creation. Oh wait, that dog is eating that kid? Perfect 10.

Bear Portraits?

Bear Portrait

Ahhh Old Clemons. I boxed him to death. What a good friend he was. Good sport about the whole me punching him to death thing.

You ever start something and have no idea how the end happened? Where did the bear portrait come from you say? The internet.

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Awesome Song of The Day #161

The Psychedelic Furs

Love My Way

Holy Shit. Whoever the 11 people are on youtube are that don’t like this video better watch out for when I ram my car into your house…. Just Sayin.

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