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VERB AWESOMENESS: JUMPING!

Posted in Animals, Awesome, Humor, Stupid, Verbs with tags , , , , , , on June 30, 2010 by tsanda

Life can be boring. Cubicles, bologna, paint, astroids that aren’t exploded by Bruce Willis.  Those things all suck. Most things in life just need a little piz followed by some azz.  Speak them together it will blow your mind.

Take basketball.  Not jumping. Just 1 point – and boring as turds drying in the sun.

This guy is white and shooting a free throw. Dear lord blow my brains out.

Im not sure that prayer will be answered.  Not sure the lord is into blowing brains out.  I bet he has a wicked badass gold plated gun in a case with chicklets. Ahhh Castor Troy stole gods gun…and his gum.  I bet gods breath stinks.

Now add some jumping to this orange ball sport.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!! DUNK SUNSET!!!!! I LOVE SPACE JAM (just thought you'd want to know)

Now that last picture really gets the juices flowing.  Like a juice river or gentle backyard waterfall or v8.

More examples? Are you sure you can handle it?

Ok. Mom take your heart pills before these next ones.

High five?

Good form but no airtime. No Spark! No passion!

Add a dash of pizzazzz? Sure. But Just a pinch.

Yep, jumped out of the atmosphere. And into our hearts.

I am sooo excited that the mom from Home Improvement is getting a new show on NBC. I will be watching it naked with the sound off.  Which is how I watch CSPAN and the nieghbor get ready in the morning….

Animals? Can they get any cooler? YES SILLY! JUMP!

Very Skinny Racoons doing some sort of Jump murder technique.

So I just decided to jump blog.  Didn’t really work out. Fell over and rolled my ankle.  It is all back and blue now.  I will leave the jumping to the animals.

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Awesome Song of the Day #123

The Antlers – Two

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ANIMAL AWESOMENESS: KOALA BEARS!

Posted in Animals, Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, Dork, Humor, Nature with tags , , , , , , , on March 6, 2010 by tsanda

So cute.

KOALA BEAR

Ahhhhh. Nature's Pillow.

Like me of the mini bear world. Wait! Fact check! Give me a pause………….

I am back, Professor Wikipedia, has informed yet again I am wrong and the English Language is full of shit.

Koala Bears are not in fact bears.  The name has fooled me for years and years and years and years. Maybe Koala Marsupial just didn’t sound right.  I think its got a cathy ring to it, and honesty is the best policy, thats what Momma TsandA always said. Until I found out that she was a double agent from Moscow trying to steal all my secrets…. can’t trust anybody not even the Koala.

You know what really makes them awesome.  Big doughey eyes? No, but close those do get me everytime.  The little button nose? No silly we aren’t talking about me.  The giant razor sharp claws that are supposed to be on a dragon not an actual Ewok. Yepppp. Look at these beasts!

Koala Claw

Claws of a El Chupacabra? They freeekin wish.

Holy balls, they are so redic that they only need 3! (as far as I know that’s a guess this picture only shows 3 so they only have 3 toes)

The uses for these? Peeling fruits. Climbing Trees. Slashing other dirt bag Koalas in the grill when they step.  For real though, Im not even sure tigers want any piece of that.  That’s were they get you.

Koala – “Ahhh look at me I am cute as can be”

Tiger – “nice, gonna eat you bitch”

Swiping noise

Tiger – dead.

Koala then eats the Tiger while starring at the Tiger’s family and just points with one of those claws “don’t step”

Evil Koala

Full of Tiger Meat. Look at the gnarly scar on the face! that's from Koala gang fighting. Truth.

Don’t judge a book by its cover.  Because that book could eat your tiger.

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Awesome Song of the Day #109

was a debate today, Rural Alberta Advantage is pretty sweet, but we’ve been without some rap for a minute.

The Clipse Ft. Camron (produced by the Neptunes)

Popular Demand (popeyes)

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FURNITURE AWESOMENESS: PET STEPS!

Posted in Animals, Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, Dork, Humor with tags , , , , , , , , , , on February 28, 2010 by tsanda

Humans love our pets.  We will keep anything as a pet. Giant killer snakes? Monkeys that eat your neighbors face off? Spiders? ROCKS? All are yeses. We are obsessed with making life perfect for our pets.  They eat gourmet fish and barley while I am stuck eating 10 lbs of butter from Costco.  Gotta buy that fancy ass kibble.  We recreate coral reefs for our tropical poisonous king of the jungle fish.  And the most amazing of all, pet steps.  Tiny little stairs so our little furry friends can come spoon with us while we cry in lonely sadness that there isn’t a human next to us.  Rather a creature that is perfectly fine with farting in our faces and then demanding we let them out to shit.  That’s who I want nestled gently next to me at night.  Hey little buddy use these steps it will make it easier.

Pet Steps

I want to throw up in your bed but it is so far away...Ugh.

I’ve been installing pet steps all over my house to make my life a little easier.  Step over the edge of my bubble bath tub? Risk bumping my shins? Hells no. Risk a slip on some bubbles and maybe bashing my noodle and drowning? Never.  3 steps up the edge of the tub, 3 step back down in.  Very controlled and safe, I also have hand rails for extra safety. My stairs were the worst part of my house 12 up and 12 down.  Those were really big spaces and I just couldn’t quite make that space.  Burn the hell out of my calfs  Now? Pet steps in between each step.  I still have to go the same distance but its much easier on my quads, just baby steps.  I still have to take a nap half way up, but now my legs don’t burn afterwards.  Life is good.  You know how I know 2012 end of the world is going to come true?

Mayan Temple

Ancient Pet Steps, kings dog slept up there. To high to jump.

Pet steps were invented a long time ago, to make sacrificing people easier and so their dogs wouldn’t feel left out.  They knew! They predicted the future, that we would be using steps for our lazy fat ass animals to get to the top of tall things.  Jeeeshh those guys are smart.  My thought? why not sacrifice people on the ground. No steps, no huffing and puffing, much cleaner head chop offs when you aren’t breathing heavy.  Guess they were not that smart.

Olympics are over.  What am I going to do with no curling? Bye England female team captain I will miss you. XOXO.

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AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #107

College – Teenage Color

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