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SCIENCE FICTION AWESOMENESS: TRACTOR BEAMS!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, blog, comedy, Dork, Humor, Lasers, Science, Space, star wars, Stuff, Technology, The Future! with tags , , , , , , , , , on September 7, 2011 by tsanda

Science tells us of magic force fields that bring stuff towards other stuff.  I’ve seen examples such as space craft, other space craft, larger space craft and medium sized space craft.

Where did you learn that?

Physics.

Physics isn’t an answer.  It is just  a nonsensical response.

Physics doesn’t think so.

What?

Yup.

Jeez, Balkey from Perfect Strangers really doesn’t get MENSA level stuff does he. Probably because he is foreign….

Okay, so tractor beams are an awesome part of space.  There is no gravity and people are always trying to fly away from you.  Just because they don’t want to see what you have under that trench coat doesn’t mean they always have to light speed away from Dinner Parties like that.  I have feelings too god damnit.  Do you know how much time it takes to deep fry a predator? Let alone kill one??? I have to hire so many bums to go kill just 1 predator.

If you could have personal tractor beams that would be so awesome.  I would tractor beam so many cupcakes into my mouth.  I would tractor beam bees at other people.  I bet they have a reverse switch.  Bees or nails, or bees and nails.  Nails would put holes in you that bees would fly into and sting and then lay eggs in and then the eggs would hatch and bee babies would stings your insides! Final Destination eat your fucking heart out.  I would tractor beam my bed to me, then tractor beam a girl towards my junk… Wait a minute…. I think tractor beaming girls against their will towards your space privates is like space rape.  I take that one back.  Forgot I ever said that one.  It never happened….

But I will totally beam some fucking cheezits up in this bitch.  This bitch being my apartment, and up being in a straight line, because up is the ceiling and I am not a spider man.  I got bit by a spider once and all I got was this hole in my face.  I won’t go to the doctor yet, not until Obamacare is real.  Who would pay for health care when I can maybe will get it for free in like 4 years.  I’ve pretty much got life figured out.

Time to tractor beam you some music.

(vrooooommooomomomomvroomomoomomooooooo) = tractor beam noises.

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #158

PETE AND THE PIRATES – CAN’T FISH

OUT!

 

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CONSTRUCTION / LUMBAR JACK / NASTY WAYS TO KILL AWESOMENESS: TWO PERSON SAWS

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, Humor, Stuff on February 20, 2011 by tsanda

Those two person saws are bad ass.  Things that take two people are usually way cooler than one person things.  Except for tandem bicycles.  Those people deserve punches to the dick, or dicks, depending if both seats are utilized.  If I ever freak out and sniper people from a clock tower, people on tandem bicycles are the first to go.  Followed by people who wear fidoras and are not 85 or a monkey.

Lumberjack compitition

I bet they got so into sawing that they sawed their sleeves off.

Redwoods stood for millions of years.  The bad asses of the tree world.  I’d say the Lodge-pole pine is… but apparently science says I am an idiot.  You ever smelled the fresh smell of lodge pole pine in the morning? It is like heaven came down from heaven and cut down the forest and made my deck for me.  It is heavenly.

So those redwoods, so stuck up.  One person couldn’t cut them down, they sat there laughing.  Pointing, spitting on humanity.  Until the two person saw was invented.  Now we can drive through a redwood. Eat them, burn them, domesticate them.  All thanks to saws.

When can I get a two person shotgun.  I know at least 6 people I could get to help me shoot it at bears and redwoods.  I’d pick so many fights with bears…..then… BLAM.

Bear would be like, haha you can’t even lift that shot gun, it needs two people.

Where did that other person come from? Under a log.

BAM! Bear for brunch.

And cantalope.

….

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #unknown ( I don’t want to go look which one)

Tapes N’ Tapes

SWM

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CLOTHING AWESOMENESS: SILK!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, Bugs, comedy, Humor, Stuff on January 27, 2011 by tsanda

Silk rubs your thighs like a magical cloud of sexual arousal. But unfortunately when you get sexual arousal while wearing silk pants it shows.  So I gotta tape me junk to my leg.  Yes, I do have to use lots of duck tape.  No, I never undo it… that would hurt like ripping duck tape off my dick.  So the ladies just use their imaginations.

Science facts tell us that silk comes from worms.  Silk worms. Go figure.  Worms? Worms shit out my sheets?

Silk Worms

I understand eating them, or rubbing them in my hair for vitality... but wearing them? I guess.

I like silk more when I thought it came from black holes in space.  Why would you laugh at that? something has to happen in black holes.  It can’t just be the end of everything.  See I thought matter goes in, silk comes out.  Another dream crushed.  Yes,  I dream about space silk. What do you dream about? Tea parties with dead aunts? LAME.

Why is it that the coolest stuff comes from worms? Silk… … … … You can eat them? They can get cut in half and live. They eat dirt.  I ate dirt once.

Now that I know all about silk.  I think it’s cool that worms butts make really expensive stuff.  I’ve been flushing my butt stuff for years.  Here i could have been weaving it into clothes this whole time.  I can start my own clothing line and get rid of that toilet that wastes so much water.  It will be a very green company.  I mean brown… but that doesn’t have the same ring to it.

Poop shirts

—-

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY # 150!!!!!

That’s a big number.  Half the way to a thousand.

NEON INDIAN

MIND, DRIPS

 

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