I haven’t seen Real Steel so don’t get too excited. But I thought of what I am going to say if and when I get out of that movie. ”Real Steel? More like Real Steal, because that darn Adam just stole my heart”
The couple next to me will be like, “who the fuck are you talking too?”
I’ll then shrug and say, “I hate being the third wheel, you guys never make me feel like part of the gang”
They might say “well that’s because you have been following us around all day pretending to be on our date…”
I’ll then say…. “soooo threesome????” But with a real charm about it so they are forced to tag team me… in the parking lot of a Red Lobster, while I cry and eat cheddar biscuits. What came first the cheddar or the biscuit!? Geez the wonders of the world just astound me!
Has anybody noticed where Real Steel got its idea from? Two guys were playing Rock Em Sock Em Robots and were like, this would make a great movie! A bunch of rich high fives. The two guys next to them were playing battleship and said, This would make a great movie! and crickets were heard everywhere. Mainly because it was the night-time and they were in a rural area.
Board game movies?
I guess Operation was already made into a movie 7 times by Saw….
I can’t wait for the 48 hour epic Risk. In which nobody ever finishes watching the movie because it is way to frustrating and boring. You will occasionally find somebody who says they finished it and love it… but they are full of shit and know it.
I heard the graphics on real steel are wonderful!
Wow, the Hugh Jackman Robot is very lifelike. Not much armor though. Gonna get robot raped in the ring!
Wait a fucking minute.
Doesn’t that robot already hate Diane Lane in Judge Dredd?
Busted. Real Bullshit is more like it. Yup, gotcha.
BYE!
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Awesome Song of the Day #162
Cameras – Defeatist
this song has played abooot 250 times on my ipod and itunes and icar (that’s just my car, didn’t sound cool just as car… Doesn’t sound very cool the former either…”
There are a lot of movies that have been released. I only have one of these lives to live and I want to do as little reading as possible and as much movie watching as possible. You can’t eat popcorn and wear 3d glasses while reading a book. I tried and ruined my copy of yertle the turtle with popcorn butter and vomit from my 3d goggle nausea. Not to mention none of the words looked like they were coming at me. Bullshit… until a 3d pop up book version of the bible comes out I guess I am going to hell.
Now back to what is really important, poverty. Ha! I am kidding, I really mean movies. I only have so much time in each day. I have to eat food, so this work shit isn’t going anywhere. Unless somebody wants to pay me 100,000 a month to personally narrate their life in blog form. I mean it would be expensive; I eat a lot, and I mean A LOT of caviar. Caviar wrapped in truffles dipped in gold dust and baked on the moon. Can’t judge me for my good tastes. But your life would sound so much cooler to your “friends”.
Here is an example, consider it my application and resume.
Tom wakes up and washes his feet in a volcano. He then rides his unicorn to montana for eggs and bacon. After killing a grizzly bear with his knuckles (fist punching a bear to death) he decides to rewrite the declaration of independence using only a spirograph.
huh? Pretty freaking fucking good. My secretary will be waiting by the phone.
For a post about movies this blog certainly is about a lot of other bullshit. I agree, I would want my money back too. But I get this shit for free. Stolen internet, what do you know about that son?
So my life is crazy busy and the point of all this is, you can’t maintain these killer good looks and razor sharp wit with just a few minutes a day. I mean I stare in the mirror for about 12 hours a day perfecting my style. The rest of the time is spent nursing koala bears back to shape for more back yard koala fights. You think that is mean? Inhumane? I disagree! Have you ever seen a koala fight???? It is adorable!
After that I have about 2 hours left to watch some cinema. I don’t have enough time to read reviews, cause honestly the last thing I want to do is read about a movie. That clearly makes my head want to explode. (perfect segway!)
I can read your mind. You have seen one clip from this movie and you clearly want to see it.
This movie is called scanners and it is not supposed to be any good. But I can clearly disagree with just one still from that movie. I am sold. If I can’t tell from one picture if a movie is gonna be good then I don’t want to see it.
Do you want to see this movie?
Fuck Me, this picture makes me want that last picture to happen to me.
This movie fails on all levels, some nerd pointing a stick at me. Why the fuck is he wearing glasses? If he is a wizard why doesn’t he just wizard up some good eyesight? He is casual enough for the ole unbuttoned dress shirt and loose tie look but he still wears round glasses? I mean jeeezuz, there couldn’t be more lame about this movie from this picture. I won’t watch it. Ever. Unless terrorist try to get the secrets of my life and torture me. I would tell them in 5 seconds if they put this movie on.
Now how about for the ladies?
The Cos? A mullet? Some sort of white animal, at least 5 scarfs and arrows!
Again, sold. You have the prince of thieves. All sorts of style and a soft and gentle disposition. If I were a lady, or just myself. I would watch this. All night while eating toblerones.
More examples! How about for the kids?
I don't think this is what Willy had in mind when he was free'd.
Free Willy 3. Or so Yahoo images tells me. If I were a kid I’d be screaming at the top of my lungs until my exhausted parents gave up and rented this movie or bought me a killer whale.
And for the dudes.
A guy in a mask, in his underwear, shooting at a guy flying a tricycle. Why would you watch another movie, unless of course it was the prince of thieves.
If you had 1 movie left to watch before you died, and then you saw this picture you would have no choice your brain would force you to watch it. And if you brain didn’t cooperate I would force you to watch it, with me, right before I killed you. You were wondering why you going to die weren’t you?
Time to watch a movie. Which you ask? I won’t tell you… I will show you the picture that changed my day. Working out? No. Feeding myself? Nope. Voluntering? hahaha don’t be silly.
Put the Bunny back in the Box.
That was a gosh darn long post. This blog would be way better as a movie.
If you haven’t seen the best movie about Alpine Survivalist vs. Airplane full of money bandits … … … … wait for it… … … keep waiting…. …. … right before the end … Cliffhanger. Get it? I left you hanging? Like a sentence cliffhanger. I am a master of the english language writing. Well frankly if you haven’t seen cliffhanger then you will never survive a cave fight with Leon, you won’t know his weakness of giant stalactites through the chest.
Rook is not in this picture but he would appreciate me posting it.
The best thing about this picture is the whole thing and Sly aint half bad on the eyes either.
So the rook (my pet name for my boy) and I are sitting in a bubble bath, scene by scene talking about Cliffhanger, getting ready to start in on Slither when Rooks asked me a question.
He says, “Jazzy (that is Rooks nickname for me) have you ever dreamed a big dream?’
Jazzy: “Will you stop talking and wash my back”
Rooks: “I will get to that just, listen for a second”
Jazzy: Long Sigh…..”fine, I can’t say no to you… you were so amazing in the 6th day”
Rooks: “You were always such a flatterer” “But seriously, I have plans big plans”
Jazzy: “Like opening a White Castle?”
Rooks: Look of disgust, “no jazzy”.
Rooks: “Like eating 12 donuts in one sitting.”
It was that minute I knew I was in love.
Rooker is known for his sucker punches. I am known for my black eyes.
Did you know if the Rooks were to have sex with sound waves this song would be his bastard child of noise.
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Awesome Song of the Day #129
Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros
Home
(aka ear boners)
(sorry to make you sit through some David Letterman)
