Archive for the Monsters Category

« Older Entries

MONSTER AWESOMENESS: BIGFOOT (aka Sasquatch!) DISCOVERED….AGAIN!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, Dork, Humor, Monsters, News with tags , , , , , on June 21, 2010 by tsanda

I have always wondered what I am going to do when I encounter Bigfoot in the hallways of my office or just outside of my cubicle.  It will be scary. I will be scared, my pants will be full and smell bad.  That is as far as I have figured out. Past the point of shitting myself I am pretty much at a loss of what I would do.

Luckily a South Carolina man has taught me exactly what to say.  Luckily it is short and has a lot of southern accent in it.

http://edition.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/06/21/bigfoot.psychology.monsters

You only need the second paragraph.

“GIT!”

Ohhh man, it would be so priceless to have seen bigfoot’s reaction to that.

Dude – probably in coveralls with a piece of straw in is mouth.  I am thinking no shoes? Or shoes that are missing the toes? No, not sandals for everybody not from the south, something like this.

Worn out shoes

Next hipster trend... guaranteed.

This guy sees a bigfoot or maybe bigfeets, harassing his dogs.  I assume they were pulling their tales and petting them against the direction of their fur. Ohhh boy do dogs hate that shit!  You know what dogs hate more than that shit! BIGFOOT! If dogs could yell holy crap its bigfoot I am outta here… they would.  But they can’t so stop fucking day dreaming

He grabs his shotgun? Nope.  Big rock? Nope, Bazooka? Nah.  He classically yells “GIT!”

That’s what I yell at racoons who eat my garbage.  Or those pesky teenagers who are up to no good down the street.  Druggy mother fuckers.

You don’t yell Git at a classic mythical (or is it?) creature who is fucking with your dogs.  You record that shit and send it to America’s Funniest Home Videos! 10 G’s Son!

Bigfoot totally just flipped that guy off and ate his dogs. Then sat and chilled with Ronald McDonald.  Had a McRib, cause the dogs didn’t fill him up.

Hey, BIGFOOT! Leave Ronald Alone..... GIT!

So much happiness this southern belle has brought me today

Im out.

……

Awesome Song of The Day #122

OLD CROW MEDICINE SHOW

WAGON WHEEL

….

1 Comment »

MY OPEN LETTER TO THE TWO FACED KITTEN!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, Dork, Monsters, Nature, News, Science with tags , , , , , , , on June 19, 2010 by tsanda

I know there is a formula for this blog and it certainly isn’t broken.  But something has happened, that is so amazing, space explosions worthy, that I felt I would do my civic duty and write the two faced kitten a letter.  A love letter of sorts?  I don’t know do you think I have a chance with mutant kitty?

And… I want to be featured on Oprah! What does a fucking dude need to do to get featured on Oprah or in O! (that’s the Oprah magazine for you heathens that don’t know) Put down Bird Monthly and pick up some O! So many good interviews with Paula Abdul and features on Losing 5 lbs before swimsuit season!

Two Faced Kitten

I can haz two faces...sorry couldn't resist.

Dear Kitty With Two Faces,

You are a marvel of the wonders of mother earth and step father space.  You were born out of magic and wonder.  Two faces? How does that happen? Science says it was a two headed sperm.  I say it was Jesus.  You are a creation of the lord himself.  Why? Why would god take time out of his busy day of canasta and PBR to make a two headed kitten? Easy, humans were bored with 1 faced kittens.  Ohh your orange tabby has 1 grill? Boring, might as well go kill itself.

Kitty, you are a monster, a disgustingly cute monster.  You just peed in my loafers and scratched my shins.  I was going to drop kick you, but look at that face it’s adorable. I mean faces, nice catch, congrats to me for proof reading just a little bit.  Your like frankenstein a misunderstood monster.  No, not like the Hunchback of Notre Dame he is just a freak.

The bad news kitty, we can’t keep both faces.  Science hasn’t figured out that technology yet.  So we need to figure out which face has got to go!

Face #1, So cute and innocent the first time I saw you it was like the sunrise after a light rain storm.  My breath was taken away.

Face #2, Your ugly as shit.

Face #1, So good at math and comedy.  Made me laugh for hours with your pi and square root jokes.  3.14 ha! that was a good one…  We will always have cosign

Face #2, You ate my sandwich.

Face #1, When you puurrrrr it is like the heavens are playing a harp for me.

Face #2, Your breath smells like cat food and turds

Face #1, When you play with string, I just giggle for hours.

Face #2, You just fell over trying to stand up.

Face #1. Say good bye to your brother

Face#2 – “fuck that”

Well face #2 just killed face 1. Damnit. Stuck with this 1 faced shit head

Ohh well. You still can kill that mouse over there right?

Face #2 “For 100 dollars”.

Hmmmm. I miss face #1

….

Okay two faced kitten this is the end of my letter.

I still love you.

Almost as much as I love the villain you were created after.

Two Face

He too loves to play with string and meow for kibble.

———

Awesome Song of The Day #121

The Golden Dogs

1985 (Cover of a Paul McCartney Song) after you hear this version Paul Mc Should probably stop playing music they murder his song.

The Golden Dogs are fucking awesome by the way.

……

1 Comment »

POOR CHOICE FOR A NAME AWESOMENESS: MONSTER IN MY POCKET!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, Children, Humor, Monsters, Toys with tags , , , , , on June 6, 2010 by tsanda

I have been accused, fairly at that, that I can be a bit unPC at times.  I say things that my mother would shake her head at and say “Ohhhh (fill in the blank with whatever name you fancy)((i’d go with Trevor Rodriguez, that is a man’s man’s name))) you shouldn’t say those things people will think your weird or crazy or an asshole or hilarious! I added that last part for dramatic effect.  Like thunder after lighting.  Maybe I am reading to much into this…

Monster in my pocket

Really? That's the name for a children's toy/game?

So, here is an idea.  Lets get kids okay with the phrase “monster in my pocket”. So if somebody / namely a stranger who may drive a van, or have mustache and wear a windbreaker or buys a lot of candy happens to saddle up next to little timmy at the merry go round and says,  ”Hey I have a Monster in my pocket, would you like to play with it? Or see it, or touch it, or trade with yours”.  Little timmy only thinks of that toy / game he loves and says “fuck ya mister” (timmy watch your mouth).  So there is nothing wrong with toys, and monsters are pretty freaking awesome.  If it would have even just been “monsters in my pocket” not as bad, not nearly as pederass.  But that singular Monster in my Pocket, just makes my skin crawl.

So the next time this guy drives up next to your kid at the playground and successfully takes him home.  You have the children’s toy industry to thank. Your Christmas Gift to your son got him molested!

Ohhh sorry, I meant to post a picture of a person who looks like a pedifile, this is just Adam Morrison ... Wait a minute...ewwww

So there ya have it. Kids are dumb and toys peaked with crayons. Can’t get any better or less pederass. Unless of course you had a TV show where a full grown man lived in a basement and acted as a “baby sitter” …

Charles in Charge

There is a new boy in the neighbor hood, he lives downstairs and its understood that he is there just to take good care of me.....right.

HAHA who buys Charles In Charge on DVD? And when can we hang out?

——-

Awesome song of the Day # 119

Adam Kesher (band not person)

French Electro Pop Rock = Damn Catchy

——-

5 Comments »

« Older Entries
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.