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FOOD AWESOMENESS: ARBY’S SAUCE

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, comedy, Dork, Food, Humor with tags , , , , , , , on November 22, 2011 by tsanda

Jumping Jack Flash! That movie sucks.  I was going to use that phrase to signify another hiatus I took but by bowels wretched at the sound of those words being clicked into my keyboard.  What noise does that make? It sounds like Whoopi Goldberg acting.  Whoa. Good one. Haven’t lost it one bit. Send me monies.

I was eating Arby’s the other day thinking about how it would suck to be in the military because you don’t get Arby’s sauce.  I am not even sure I like roast beef but I know I like snorting Arby’s sauce off of hookers tits.  I am pretty sure that people in Siberia don’t get Arby’s sauce either.  That is probably why they get eaten by so many Polar Bears.

That totally scientifically happens.

Arby’s sauce is a mix of crystal meth, crack, heroin, melted gummy bears, unicorn horns and almond butter.  It is mixed at the robust temperature of 123 degrees Kelvinheit.  It is then frozen, thawed, refrozen with liquid nitrogen and broken apart, like in the terminator, then heated until it melts and comes back together to form a super future machine sent from the future back in time to qwench my thirst for brownish condiments that cover grayish meats on a bun.

I like how Arby’s invented their own sauce.  I tried to package and sell my own special sauce and I got an F on the health report and was arrested.  Bunch of bullshit, it was made with love!

My goal is to eat so much Arby's sauce my blood becomes Arby's Sauce. Wait a minute... maybe that is why Polar Bears eat so many people....

People always say…It’s just ketchup and bbq sauce mixed together.  Really asshole fuckface? If it was that simple everybody would have Arby’s sauce pouring everywhere.  I would never go a meal wishing I could dunk some shit in Arby’s Sauce.  The holidays are the worst time of the year.  My parents don’t believe in dipping holiday meals in AS.  WHAT THE FUCK! Times of happiness and joy my ass.  I will sneak some Arby’s sauce in a flask like I do everywhere else.

It’s 11! time to go get Arby’s sauce.  Which is easy as I am sleeping in my car outside of Arbys.

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AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY # WHATEVER.

THE RAPTURE

HOW DEEP IS YOUR LOVE?

 

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WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED AWESOMENESS: CALVIN AND HOBBS!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, comedy, Humor, Pictures with tags , , , on October 30, 2011 by tsanda

Believe it or not, my parents have a dog named Hobbes.  I like when people say “believe it or not” to things that are very normal and believable.  Believe it or not should be saved for when a meteor is heading for Earth right?  Nope.  Believe it or not, I had lunch today.  I want to meet the people who absolutely won’t believe that I saw a movie today.

No sir I don’t believe you, there is no way you could have rode the bus today.

Believe it or not I have a thing for women with three breasts.  Or maybe just Arnold movies about space espionage.

Back to Calvin and Hobbes.  That is a pretty awesome comic strip.  Comic Strips usually range for mediocre to awful.  Bizarro to Kathy.  I have lost so many readers right now who have no idea what the fuck comic strips are.  But I did gain a couple of awesome fans who were searching for Kathy today on google.  I think that would be awesome to make Kathy trend on Yahoo.  I think that if that happened I would have started the End of Days (yup more arnold refs).  Believe it or not I really did just start End of Days on my television.

Ack. That is her catchphrase. What is that she is reading? Kathy?

So to my dismay, and these are not new, I just kinda thought about it recently.  Somehow, and I do hope Mr. Calvin and Hobbes sold the rights to his comics to show either his huge love for Jesus or his over flowing hatred of the Green Bay Packers.  I know I could look these answers up on the internet but that would take time and I am to busy discovering Kathy porn.

That is why the Packers logo is yellow!

Mr. C & H ” Fuck, I hate Ford “, Calvin go pee on it.

Yea thats how it went.

Then he felt bad and was like.  ”Jesus.  Forgive me.  I don’t hate Ford that much.  It’s now Dodge and the Raiders.”

Jesus answered, ” Fine, but I want a specialized bumper sticker for my Ferrari”  If Jesus drives a car it is a 88′ Ferrari Testerossa, still the single coolest car ever…

I wonder if they come with Calvin peeing on other religious symbols.... I heard he hates vishnu.

Where is Hobbes in all of this insanity? Ahhh yea at my parents house. Duh.

At least I know what the Calvin and Hobbes creator got all of his friends for Christmas.

He is either shitting, farting or sticking a dog bone in his ass. In any case. Happy Birthday everybody I will ever know from here on out.

You know who wouldn’t shit and piss on the Chevy Logo?

Chairman of the Board

Awesome song of the Day #164

Give Me Just A Little More Time

smoooootthhh

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MOVIE AWESOMENESS: REAL STEEL!

Posted in Actors, Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, Humor, Movies, Music with tags , , , , , , , , on October 10, 2011 by tsanda

I haven’t seen Real Steel so don’t get too excited.  But I thought of what I am going to say if and when I get out of that movie.  ”Real Steel? More like Real Steal, because that darn Adam just stole my heart”

The couple next to me will be like, “who the fuck are you talking too?”

I’ll then shrug and say, “I hate being the third wheel, you guys never make me feel like part of the gang”

They might say “well that’s because you have been following us around all day pretending to be on our date…”

I’ll then say…. “soooo threesome????” But with a real charm about it so they are forced to tag team me… in the parking lot of a Red Lobster, while I cry and eat cheddar biscuits.  What came first the cheddar or the biscuit!? Geez the wonders of the world just astound me!

Has anybody noticed where Real Steel got its idea from? Two guys were playing Rock Em Sock Em Robots and were like, this would make a great movie! A bunch of rich high fives.  The two guys next to them were playing battleship and said, This would make a great movie! and crickets were heard everywhere. Mainly because it was the night-time and they were in a rural area.

Board game movies?

I guess Operation was already made into a movie 7 times by Saw….

I can’t wait for the 48 hour epic Risk.  In which nobody ever finishes watching the movie because it is way to frustrating and boring.  You will occasionally find somebody who says they finished it and love it… but they are full of shit and know it.

I heard the graphics on real steel are wonderful!

Wow, the Hugh Jackman Robot is very lifelike. Not much armor though. Gonna get robot raped in the ring!

Wait a fucking minute.

Doesn’t that robot already hate Diane Lane in Judge Dredd?

Busted. Real Bullshit is more like it. Yup, gotcha.

BYE!

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Awesome Song of the Day #162

Cameras – Defeatist

this song has played abooot 250 times on my ipod and itunes and icar (that’s just my car, didn’t sound cool just as car… Doesn’t sound very cool the former either…”

Video…artsy

Song…Amazing

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