Archive for the Explosions Category

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SPACE AWESOMENESS: SOLAR ECLIPSES!

Posted in Awesome, Explosions, Monsters, Music, Space with tags , , , , , on December 15, 2009 by tsanda

I was talking to Karl Malone about space today, it is our Tuesday tradition.  A little tea some peppermint patties and a lot of space talk. Topics of discussion were as follows.

1) space – why it is awesome a power point presentation by Karl Malone

2) space – a look into its soul – an interpretive dance by gloria estifon

3) space – the diarama by: some 4th grade class.  I don’t know any 4th graders but I have a van and a lot of candy.  Done and Done.

IN YOUR FACE SUN THE MOON SAYS SUCK IT!

The moon gets sick of the sun always talking shit and making plants grow and peoples skin tan.  The moon just make shit scary looking and thats when monsters come out.  So sometimes the moon says. “hey! look her sun, stop being a jerk and jocking my style.  It’s time for a little space magic.  Time for you to disappear! Human magicians just make planes and tigers and wallets disappear, pussies.  Except for David Blain he would make the sun disappear and then reappear in a coke bottle at the bottom of the ocean which was just shit out by a dolphin.

No people I am serious the sun disappears! Bill Nye can confirm.  Bill do you confirm – Yes. BOOM POW SURPRISE!

I bet the moon has some agreement with vampires....

Space magic. Yep I made that up.  No you can’t use it.

OUT!

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Awesome Song of The Day #81

Neil Diamond – Girl You Will Be A Women Soon

God

Enjoy it over and over and over. And Yes I will be a women soon.

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MOVIE AWESOMENESS: ALIENS!

Posted in Aliens, Awesome, Explosions, Humor, Monsters, Movies, Music, Space, The 80's with tags , , , , , , , on November 1, 2009 by tsanda

What do you get when you mix a group of kick ass space marines and a group of kick ass space monters.  A shit load of goodness.  I mean it literally explodes my brain,  all over the walls like a shotgun or some sorta of brain blowing contraption.  Exploding crossbow would also do the trick.

Aliens in the mist...very artisic monsters.

FOG MACHINE...alien is at a rave

So…

Sigorney Weaver used to be on a ship that was attacked my an Alien. It ate a lot of faces and was thrown into space!  Wicked awesome as Boston would say.  Then I would say shut the fuck up Boston and go eat some Dunkin Donuts or have sex with Ben Affleck!  Then she wakes up and is sent to a place were the Mad About You Guy (no not Helen Hunt silly) convinces her to go and destroy all of these fucks, except his dog died and he wants one as a pet.

So she gets with a group of witty and fun marines with sweet guns and head cameras.  They get into a fight over corn bread and then they all get killed.  Soooooo… she gets in some sort of construction equipment, has an actual fist fight with a queen alien who just ripped an android in half.  Saves a Newt and does a jump high fives with Voltron.

ko-aliens

Guns didn't work, Marines didn't work, Bill Paxton didn't work....Giant pinchy arms worked!

Ohhh yea and they have acid for blood, whoops forgot to mention that! So you shoot one up close? Tough shit it just ate through your skin and is melting your liver and stomach.  Ouch!

GAME OVER MAN! GAME OVER!

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AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #66

BONNIE TYLER – HOLDING OUT FOR A HERO

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INTERGALACTIC AWESOMENESS: THE SUN!

Posted in Awesome, Dork, Explosions, Humor, Music, Space with tags , , , , on September 27, 2009 by tsanda

Soooooo, I was staring at the sun today and went blind which reminded me who was the boss.  The sun, if it wanted, of course it could explode the planet Earth with flame balls and explosions.  Do you know what happens on the sun everyday? Solar Explosions!  The Sun sends out cosmic Hadukens all day ever day!  If you fell onto the sun not only would your face melt off but so would your pants!  Then your balls would get burnt and you’d have no pants! You would be so embarassed trying to hitch hike with aliens back to Earth!

Me - "Hey Sun! Stop exploding Venus! It's just a little guy!" - the Sun "fuck venus"

Me - "Hey Sun! Stop exploding Venus! It's just a little guy!" - the Sun "fuck venus"

Well Venus is gone.  Which is fine, Venus always made me think of veiny penises anyways. (i’ll give you some time to let that sink in).  I once heard some guy on the street tell me that the sun not only burns at a trazillion degrees but that it burns at blue when its sad!  Like a mood ring or mood eye patch, which is what Pirates used to wear.

Me - "It's okay sun, I know you miss Venus, but you were the one who melted it with all those explosions." The Sun - "I... know...(sniffles and trembling lower lip)"

Me - "It's okay sun, I know you miss Venus, but you were the one who melted it with all those explosions." The Sun - "I... know...(sniffles and trembling lower lip)"

I also heard some “scientist” tell me that the sun is actually a smaller sized star and there are countless other stars that are bigger, brighter and hotter.  I said, scientist you’re obviously not a scientist of english, cause if there were more than 1, why is ours called THE SUN, not just, Some Sun In the Midst Of Millions Of Other Suns That May Or May Not Be Bigger Or Better… He said, what are the other stars then… to that I said, no more questions! and then this…

Suck it Scientist!

Suck it Scientist!

Then I ran away cause the cops saw me and apparently you can’t kick scientist in the nutz.  Whatever America! I am going to Soviet country.

END!

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Awesome song of the Day #55 Goes out to all my Peeps in NYC!

They Might Be Giants – New York City

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