Archive for the Awesome Category

FOOD AWESOMENESS: ARBY’S SAUCE

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, comedy, Dork, Food, Humor with tags , , , , , , , on November 22, 2011 by tsanda

Jumping Jack Flash! That movie sucks.  I was going to use that phrase to signify another hiatus I took but by bowels wretched at the sound of those words being clicked into my keyboard.  What noise does that make? It sounds like Whoopi Goldberg acting.  Whoa. Good one. Haven’t lost it one bit. Send me monies.

I was eating Arby’s the other day thinking about how it would suck to be in the military because you don’t get Arby’s sauce.  I am not even sure I like roast beef but I know I like snorting Arby’s sauce off of hookers tits.  I am pretty sure that people in Siberia don’t get Arby’s sauce either.  That is probably why they get eaten by so many Polar Bears.

That totally scientifically happens.

Arby’s sauce is a mix of crystal meth, crack, heroin, melted gummy bears, unicorn horns and almond butter.  It is mixed at the robust temperature of 123 degrees Kelvinheit.  It is then frozen, thawed, refrozen with liquid nitrogen and broken apart, like in the terminator, then heated until it melts and comes back together to form a super future machine sent from the future back in time to qwench my thirst for brownish condiments that cover grayish meats on a bun.

I like how Arby’s invented their own sauce.  I tried to package and sell my own special sauce and I got an F on the health report and was arrested.  Bunch of bullshit, it was made with love!

My goal is to eat so much Arby's sauce my blood becomes Arby's Sauce. Wait a minute... maybe that is why Polar Bears eat so many people....

People always say…It’s just ketchup and bbq sauce mixed together.  Really asshole fuckface? If it was that simple everybody would have Arby’s sauce pouring everywhere.  I would never go a meal wishing I could dunk some shit in Arby’s Sauce.  The holidays are the worst time of the year.  My parents don’t believe in dipping holiday meals in AS.  WHAT THE FUCK! Times of happiness and joy my ass.  I will sneak some Arby’s sauce in a flask like I do everywhere else.

It’s 11! time to go get Arby’s sauce.  Which is easy as I am sleeping in my car outside of Arbys.

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AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY # WHATEVER.

THE RAPTURE

HOW DEEP IS YOUR LOVE?

 

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED AWESOMENESS: CALVIN AND HOBBS!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, comedy, Humor, Pictures with tags , , , on October 30, 2011 by tsanda

Believe it or not, my parents have a dog named Hobbes.  I like when people say “believe it or not” to things that are very normal and believable.  Believe it or not should be saved for when a meteor is heading for Earth right?  Nope.  Believe it or not, I had lunch today.  I want to meet the people who absolutely won’t believe that I saw a movie today.

No sir I don’t believe you, there is no way you could have rode the bus today.

Believe it or not I have a thing for women with three breasts.  Or maybe just Arnold movies about space espionage.

Back to Calvin and Hobbes.  That is a pretty awesome comic strip.  Comic Strips usually range for mediocre to awful.  Bizarro to Kathy.  I have lost so many readers right now who have no idea what the fuck comic strips are.  But I did gain a couple of awesome fans who were searching for Kathy today on google.  I think that would be awesome to make Kathy trend on Yahoo.  I think that if that happened I would have started the End of Days (yup more arnold refs).  Believe it or not I really did just start End of Days on my television.

Ack. That is her catchphrase. What is that she is reading? Kathy?

So to my dismay, and these are not new, I just kinda thought about it recently.  Somehow, and I do hope Mr. Calvin and Hobbes sold the rights to his comics to show either his huge love for Jesus or his over flowing hatred of the Green Bay Packers.  I know I could look these answers up on the internet but that would take time and I am to busy discovering Kathy porn.

That is why the Packers logo is yellow!

Mr. C & H ” Fuck, I hate Ford “, Calvin go pee on it.

Yea thats how it went.

Then he felt bad and was like.  ”Jesus.  Forgive me.  I don’t hate Ford that much.  It’s now Dodge and the Raiders.”

Jesus answered, ” Fine, but I want a specialized bumper sticker for my Ferrari”  If Jesus drives a car it is a 88′ Ferrari Testerossa, still the single coolest car ever…

I wonder if they come with Calvin peeing on other religious symbols.... I heard he hates vishnu.

Where is Hobbes in all of this insanity? Ahhh yea at my parents house. Duh.

At least I know what the Calvin and Hobbes creator got all of his friends for Christmas.

He is either shitting, farting or sticking a dog bone in his ass. In any case. Happy Birthday everybody I will ever know from here on out.

You know who wouldn’t shit and piss on the Chevy Logo?

Chairman of the Board

Awesome song of the Day #164

Give Me Just A Little More Time

smoooootthhh

GREATEST TIME OF THE YEAR AWESOMENESS: NO MORE BASEBALL!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, Baseball Sucks, blog, comedy, Dork, Sports with tags , , , , , , , , , on October 14, 2011 by tsanda

Have you ever noticed there is an electricity in the air during this time of year.  Like static electricity bukakke all over the world.   It’s not just because my birthday happens and no, it is not the auuraaraa boree-0-lius.  Northern Lights, silly.  Don’t tell me its the magic of the NLDS.  Okay, the Red Sox epic collapse was pretty entertaining to hear about in passing.  Not many people are getting wet thinking about Albert Puljos.  It is the excitement of everybody under 65 not having to hear about or watch anything to do with baseball for the winter.  Sadly, the baseball off season is only about 4 days long.  They just drive to Phoenix and start playing again. Somebody said to me.  It isn’t that bad, is it?  It is America’s game.  You know baseball and apple pie.  Who even eats apple pie anymore? Fruit dessert?  That’s like a tofu popsicle, fucking bullshit!  Lou Gerig’s legacy? A horrible disease named after him.  Tommy John? Awful surgery.  Lou Pinella? Fat Jokes.  Well, those are okay.  So Lou Pinella walked into a bar and got stuck in the doorway.  Yup, another original! Hot off the presses.  Extra Extra read all about it. Yum Yum get me some.  A little Putt Putt for your butt butt.  I have gotta give props to Matt Geracie on the putt putt line, still makes me giggle.  Although, when I use that for a grace at family dinners I get the worst looks from my mom.

I decided to do a research project.  It can’t be all that bad can it? I mean I previously posted an Amazing baseball video. Karate Kick! I found three things I like about baseball on top of the random insane guy karate kicking people.  Which can’t hold my attention forever it has happened a whole once.  Those games last for like 5 hours and they play 182 of them? That is 5 trillion baseball games a year.  That a hundred billion trillion innings of baseball all time and only 1 crazy hobo got onto the diamond and starting kicking.  Probably wanted some hotdogs and when you want hot dog, sometimes people get kicked.  That is why I am not allowed at my neighborhood picnic anymore.  Apparently Mayor of Blank Town doesn’t like a kick to the side in the dog line.

#1.  Baseball to the face.

Baseball to the face. Masterpiece in motion.

Can’t this be a sport? A guy throws a 90 mph fastball into somebodies face and or nads… Okay, you bleeding hearts, we can make it convicted rapists or terrorist or something.  But don’t tell me you wouldn’t watch that.

#2) Exploding Birds?

This is Randy Johnson. Rocket Arming a bird to death.

This guy, 2nd point to him he has a gnarly mullet, pitched thousands of innings and the most exciting thing he did was explode a bird once.  I explode birds every weekend in my backyard.  It only costs a dollar to watch.

3.) The future of America falling down running the bases.

Kid faceplant

Coordination is not required for baseball. My type of helmet. Not doing a damn thing.

That’s it.  Grand Slams? I couldn’t care less. Double plays? I only care about Double Teams.

Comedy, action, multiple colored background. Here is Mr. October, and November through September.

Baseball has one thing going for it, Hotdogs… and Hideki Matsui.  He seems nice.

OUT!

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #163

CAMERAS

POLARISE

Album.  Please come out now!

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