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MOVIE AWESOMENESS: REAL STEEL!

Posted in Actors, Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, Humor, Movies, Music with tags , , , , , , , , on October 10, 2011 by tsanda

I haven’t seen Real Steel so don’t get too excited.  But I thought of what I am going to say if and when I get out of that movie.  ”Real Steel? More like Real Steal, because that darn Adam just stole my heart”

The couple next to me will be like, “who the fuck are you talking too?”

I’ll then shrug and say, “I hate being the third wheel, you guys never make me feel like part of the gang”

They might say “well that’s because you have been following us around all day pretending to be on our date…”

I’ll then say…. “soooo threesome????” But with a real charm about it so they are forced to tag team me… in the parking lot of a Red Lobster, while I cry and eat cheddar biscuits.  What came first the cheddar or the biscuit!? Geez the wonders of the world just astound me!

Has anybody noticed where Real Steel got its idea from? Two guys were playing Rock Em Sock Em Robots and were like, this would make a great movie! A bunch of rich high fives.  The two guys next to them were playing battleship and said, This would make a great movie! and crickets were heard everywhere. Mainly because it was the night-time and they were in a rural area.

Board game movies?

I guess Operation was already made into a movie 7 times by Saw….

I can’t wait for the 48 hour epic Risk.  In which nobody ever finishes watching the movie because it is way to frustrating and boring.  You will occasionally find somebody who says they finished it and love it… but they are full of shit and know it.

I heard the graphics on real steel are wonderful!

Wow, the Hugh Jackman Robot is very lifelike. Not much armor though. Gonna get robot raped in the ring!

Wait a fucking minute.

Doesn’t that robot already hate Diane Lane in Judge Dredd?

Busted. Real Bullshit is more like it. Yup, gotcha.

BYE!

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Awesome Song of the Day #162

Cameras – Defeatist

this song has played abooot 250 times on my ipod and itunes and icar (that’s just my car, didn’t sound cool just as car… Doesn’t sound very cool the former either…”

Video…artsy

Song…Amazing

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MY CONVERSATION WITH MICHAEL ROOKER!

Posted in Actors, Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, comedy, Dork, Humor, Movies with tags , , , , , on August 11, 2010 by tsanda

If you haven’t seen the best movie about Alpine Survivalist vs. Airplane full of money bandits … … … … wait for it… … … keep waiting…. …. … right before the end … Cliffhanger.  Get it? I left you hanging? Like a sentence cliffhanger.  I am a master of the english language writing.  Well frankly if you haven’t seen cliffhanger then you will never survive a cave fight with Leon, you won’t know his weakness of giant stalactites through the chest.

Rook is not in this picture but he would appreciate me posting it.

Sly Stallone

The best thing about this picture is the whole thing and Sly aint half bad on the eyes either.

So the rook (my pet name for my boy) and I are sitting in a bubble bath, scene by scene talking about Cliffhanger, getting ready to start in on Slither when Rooks asked me a question.

He says, “Jazzy (that is Rooks nickname for me) have you ever dreamed a big dream?’

Jazzy: “Will you stop talking and wash my back”

Rooks: “I will get to that just, listen for a second”

Jazzy: Long Sigh…..”fine, I can’t say no to you… you were so amazing in the 6th day”

Rooks: “You were always such a flatterer” “But seriously, I have plans big plans”

Jazzy: “Like opening a White Castle?”

Rooks: Look of disgust, “no jazzy”.

Rooks: “Like eating 12 donuts in one sitting.”

It was that minute I knew I was in love.

Rooker is known for his sucker punches. I am known for my black eyes.

Did you know if the Rooks were to have sex with sound waves this song would be his bastard child of noise.

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Awesome Song of the Day #129

Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros

Home

(aka ear boners)

(sorry to make you sit through some David Letterman)

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WEAPON AWESOMENESS: SLEEVE WEAPONS!

Posted in Actors, Awesome, awesomness, blog, Humor, Stuff, Weapons with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 9, 2010 by tsanda

Shirt sleeves are so useless most of the time.  I mean all of my shirts are sleeveless, gym shirts, work shirts, wedding shirts, funeral shirts, sleeping, eating, swimming pool shirts.  I just can’t see a good reason to cover these pythons.  Until yesterday.  I got in to a knife fight with some guy.  He had nothing.  Just stupid fists and a shit long sleeved dumb ass shirt. I laughed for about 35 seconds in his face with my pocket knife waving in his face.  Then he smiled and “swhhoooommmmmp” (onimonipea) and giant swords came flying out of his shirts! HE WASN’T EVEN WOLVERINE!  I lost, it goes without saying.  So, I am laying in the hospital this morning, licking my wounds and thinking, how did he do that?  … Then like a ray of light from the Dawn….Those fucking sleeves are good for something.  Hiding Weapons, and I love my weapons.

Hell Boy

That's what I get for picking a fight with the guy from Hell Boy.

So i’ve healed, fast healer, like a cat.  I strapped a couple swords under my shirt.  Got ready to pick a fight.  This time, I went to a Mexican Cantina. Lovely little joint.  Mariachi music playing in the background, I take a Sol and sat and waited for somebody, who A) would fight me, then B) I could win.  So this punk ass little pretty boy walks in and steps on my toe.

Direct Quote From Me – “hey? what the heck!”

Him – “some word in spanish”

Me – “……”

Him – “Lo Siento”

Me – “Ohhh well fuck you too”. Swords pop out, commence laughing.

Him – “sccchhhhwwippp ( more noises that sound like their spelled ) GUNS? WHAT THE FUCK!

Desperado

Maybe I have misjudged this pretty guitar playing man. Crap x2.

I gotta stop fighting guys from movies already.  I saw Clubber Lang and ran the other way.  He didn’t have sleeves but I guarantee he has a laser cannon hidden in his mohawk.

What do I do? Here is what I did tonight, after my bullet wounds healed.  Yea wound-s plural.  Jerk shot my 6 times.

I went to Burma, smuggled a tiger out of the country, strapped a Mini Gun on it’s head and stuck it in my pant leg.  Who wants a piece? You Antonio Banderas? Didn’t think so.

Bring it.

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Awesome Song of The Day #101

Annie Lennox

Walking On Broken Glass

(Guest starring John Malkavich)

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