WEAPON AWESOMENESS: SLEEVE WEAPONS!

Posted in Actors, Awesome, Humor, Stuff, Weapons, awesomness, blog with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 9, 2010 by tsanda

Shirt sleeves are so useless most of the time.  I mean all of my shirts are sleeveless, gym shirts, work shirts, wedding shirts, funeral shirts, sleeping, eating, swimming pool shirts.  I just can’t see a good reason to cover these pythons.  Until yesterday.  I got in to a knife fight with some guy.  He had nothing.  Just stupid fists and a shit long sleeved dumb ass shirt. I laughed for about 35 seconds in his face with my pocket knife waving in his face.  Then he smiled and “swhhoooommmmmp” (onimonipea) and giant swords came flying out of his shirts! HE WASN’T EVEN WOLVERINE!  I lost, it goes without saying.  So, I am laying in the hospital this morning, licking my wounds and thinking, how did he do that?  … Then like a ray of light from the Dawn….Those fucking sleeves are good for something.  Hiding Weapons, and I love my weapons.

Hell Boy

That's what I get for picking a fight with the guy from Hell Boy.

So i’ve healed, fast healer, like a cat.  I strapped a couple swords under my shirt.  Got ready to pick a fight.  This time, I went to a Mexican Cantina. Lovely little joint.  Mariachi music playing in the background, I take a Sol and sat and waited for somebody, who A) would fight me, then B) I could win.  So this punk ass little pretty boy walks in and steps on my toe.

Direct Quote From Me – “hey? what the heck!”

Him – “some word in spanish”

Me – “……”

Him – “Lo Siento”

Me – “Ohhh well fuck you too”. Swords pop out, commence laughing.

Him – “sccchhhhwwippp ( more noises that sound like their spelled ) GUNS? WHAT THE FUCK!

Desperado

Maybe I have misjudged this pretty guitar playing man. Crap x2.

I gotta stop fighting guys from movies already.  I saw Clubber Lang and ran the other way.  He didn’t have sleeves but I guarantee he has a laser cannon hidden in his mohawk.

What do I do? Here is what I did tonight, after my bullet wounds healed.  Yea wound-s plural.  Jerk shot my 6 times.

I went to Burma, smuggled a tiger out of the country, strapped a Mini Gun on it’s head and stuck it in my pant leg.  Who wants a piece? You Antonio Banderas? Didn’t think so.

Bring it.

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Awesome Song of The Day #101

Annie Lennox

Walking On Broken Glass

(Guest starring John Malkavich)

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AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #100!!!!!!!

Posted in Awesome, Humor, Music, The 80's, awesomness, blog, memories with tags , , , , , , , , on February 5, 2010 by tsanda

This is a big fucking day!  I have successfully kept this jump kick fiesta going to 100 songs.  A few posts didn’t have songs, I think I was smoking crack or something during those days.  But it doesn’t matter.  This day is like finding the end of a rainbow… getting a pot of gold and then realizing that this bad boy doesn’t stop … ever! Pots of Gold all year long! I wanted to celebrate by celebrating one of the greatest songs ever made by humans.  God Damn Gavin Rosedale won’t let me embed his songs onto my blog.  Jerk.  Glycerin or Machine-head were really high on my list… But that is okay… who else can I turn to? Girls just wanna have fun…but no…same shit.  I had a lot of prereqs.  Awesome shiny pants dancing.  Mustaches, mullets and vests and some guy sailing away to China.  I sat for hours just stuck.  Then a light from heaven shown on my computer.  It paged itself to youtube and found….Matthew Wilde.

Here you go.  Matthew Wilde.

The Awesome Song of The Day #100.

Matthew Wilde

Break My Stride LIVE!

Dear god this song is sooo bad ass. Sorry Beatles take notes from my boy Matt.

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CHILDHOOD MEMORIES AWESOMENESS: LITE BRITE !

Posted in Awesome, Children, Humor, Science, Stuff, Stupid, Toys, awesomness, memories with tags , , , , , , , , , on February 2, 2010 by tsanda

Smoke signals are sooo played out, plus too much danger of burning your eyebrows off.  Have you ever burned your eyebrows off in a freak smoke signal accident? Me neither … mine was a volcano accident (me and TLJ were fighting one in LA, no big d.  The reason smoke signals and other assorted flammable messages were done away with is because it is unfortunate to lose one’s eyebrows … also because it spawned the most disgusting personal appearance trend off all time.  Marker Eyebrows.

Marker Eyebrow

Holy hell... Jabba the Hutt drew on eyebrows. Note: hate to break it to this lovely young female, but eyebrows aren't usually flying v's. Who knows maybe she loves coach gordon bombay.

Soooo, the Science Institute of Technology in association with the American Inventors Guild Association of America purchased a zillion tiny lite bulbs (ohh I spelled it right just you wait!), put a 15 watt light bulb behind a board and cut a bunch of holes in it.  Lite Brite was born.  Their idea, important messages could be relayed to people all over the world, especially during the tough visual messaging time of the nighttime.  No more worries of explosions or burned down houses, no more windy days making your smoke message of, War Soon, and turning it into, I just shit my pants, hurry! come see.  Steven Hawking was the first to partake.

Lite Brite

Amen Brother, Amen.

Jeez, kids back when I was one, yesterday, had it so awesome.  The good life.  Lite bright? You shitting me? You could make anything with that shit. Football? DONE, Basketball? DONE, Baseball? DONE.  MR. FUCKING POTATO HEAD! DONE AND DONE SON.

Lite Brite Mr. Potato Head

I'm pretty sure that Potato with eyes, a hat, and mustache is flashing gang signs. I knew Mr. P H was a crip.

Todays Stupid Kids: Hey wanna go feed our digimons? They can die and poop! WHOOO!

Yesteryears Awesome Kids: Ughhh, fuck no.  I’m going to make images with light like a god, then bake a cupcake with a light bulb … also like a god.

Stupid Kids – Fine those awesome toys scare us, our parents won’t let us play with toys that don’t involve something shitting that we have to clean up.

Awesome Kids of Ole – Okay, I am going to play this game where a gorilla throw barrels at a tiny Italian guy.

Dog Toy That Shits

THIS TOYS LITERALLY SHITS. Parents these days actually give their kids a piece of shit for a toy. Holy F.

So yesteryear awesome kids.  Lets join hands and shoot duck hunt guns into the air.  Toys are forever ruined.  Tonight I will dry my tears in my race car bed with my GI Joe jamis.

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Awesome Song of The Day -

Awesome Song of The Day #99

Blak Roc

What You Do To me

sooo badddassszzzz!!!!!!

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